i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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