some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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