he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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