I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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