The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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