I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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