Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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