Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
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it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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