wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
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We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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