You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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