My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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