Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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