I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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