I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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