All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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