My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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