saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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