i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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Send help, water and tortillas.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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