So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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