drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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