Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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