I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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