I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
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You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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