My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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