The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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