i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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