I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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