My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize