If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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