So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize