in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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