My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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