The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Randomize