Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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