I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize