naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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