Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
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We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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