i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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