you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize