It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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