I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize