i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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