Pants 0. Shit 1.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
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