and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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