So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
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Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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