Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize