He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
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I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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