i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
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I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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