Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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