Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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