I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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