If that was your dad, he is hot
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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